My professional bio is available at www.findtic.com or on LinkedIn, this will tell you what you need to know of my working life, my successes and the things that interest me most from a career perspective. I'm very lucky that I have never separated my work and my life so what you see is what you get; what I am interested in at work is also what I am interested in in life. But of course there's a lot more to all of us than just our bios or our CVs.
If you check out the resources page you'll see many links to the things that I've read or watched, or the people that I've met along the way. It's eclectic and might give you an indication about the sort of person I am. On a call recently with some colleagues we all took some time to describe ourselves, what makes us happy and what are our special gifts. My part of this conversation didn't strictly follow those sections but as I talked about my experiences and the people I've met I realised something interesting. Beyond a seemingly endless optimism and faith about the future, and an ability to survive some pretty tough experiences and bounce back, I realised that I'm also not easily shocked or surprised. I enjoy hearing about people's inner most thoughts and feelings, however odd they may seem to others, or even themselves. You like spreadsheets, that's cool, you want to debate politics or science, bring it on, you're an energy worker or live in the spirit world, that's great, let's talk. You've struggling with depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, you've lost connection with who you are, that's fine, I'm here to listen.
I have my National-B motor racing licence, I have completed my first vision quest with a 4-day solo fast out on the Lakeland fell side, I have studied neuroscience and psychotherapeutic texts, I practice transcendental meditation, I love Lego, I've run a few trail ultra-marathons, I've performed a few times on West End stages, I've an equally impressive collection of dance shoes, running shoes, musical instruments, bikes, and books on my shelf, and there's a lot more diversity and curiosity in me too.
I've met a lot of people and talked about what's interesting to us, and through that there's always been a sense of serendipity that has linked us to more people, and hence a varied and special network has grown up.
I've been on my own path and have spent a great deal of that in pain or suppression. These have been great teachers and great levellers. I have locked away, masked, and pretended my past didn't exist. I have taken it out, looked at it, been freaked out, and then put it away again and shivered for a period of time afterwards about what I've seen. I've unintentionally hurt people, pushed them away, or smothered them out of lack of awareness. But I've made hugely important and very close friendships throughout this journey as I've met people equally searching and struggling with their own stuff.
Shift happens if you let it and don't try to force it. If you can live more in the moment and be aware of who you are and why you are, then life seems to slow down and be more purposeful.
I've had many key milestones in my recovery and understanding; awareness and experience of my emotions as I stepped back from living in a dissociated state always seeking validation, success in every form, perfection and a zero failure life; recognition of trauma and how deep it runs in our whole body neurology; reconnecting, reparenting, and befriending my inner child (hence my company name); and most recently learning more about Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) and how significantly different it is from PTSD and how it affects our core personalities, and in particular how it affected mine.
I've experienced depression, but I'm not depressed, I've experienced anxiety and panic attacks in the past, but I don't have anxiety disorder, I have had an unhealthy relationship with food but I don't have an eating disorder, I have contemplated suicide more times than I can remember dating back to childhood, but I am not suicidal. My psychometric scores reveal me as adaptable and personable, creative, and mischievous, balanced, and risk taking. Feedback characterises me as grounded, calming to be around, comfortable in my own skin, a good listener and supporter, professional and astute. I'm actually really loving life, and happy with everything I've had and done and everything I have yet to experience and do in the future.
I have a good heart that has been hurt more times and in more ways than any heart should have, but the scars it holds only serve to make it bigger, kinder, and more open for me and for others I meet along the way.
At the end of the day all I am is me, right now, I am enough, and I'm excited to see what tomorrow brings.